Of Letters and Rubber Ducks
by liekomfgits kate
Summary: Oneshot. When Harry gets a mysterious letter from Blaise, threatening to kill him if he even looks at Hermione again, she feels it's her duty to inform him why. HGBZ.


**A/N**: Slightly AU as Hermione is OOC a tiny bit. Written for the Challenge up at The Chronicles of GraBini archives.  
**Disclaimer**: Please, don't sue me! I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I have any money. I am not making money off of this fanfiction, nor do I hold any claims on any of the characters depicted in this story, I just dress them up pretty and make them do silly things!

Dear Harry,

This is ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I cannot believe I am even thinking of writing to you, as I'm sure you won't believe a bloody word I say. But you wrote last week, asking how I was doing, and I feel I must get this off of my chest or I might explode. How is Ron, by the way? His mum wrote me last month and I never got around to responding; being a librarian is much harder than anyone would have thought. Madam Pince has good reason to be so grumpy, let me tell you.

I hope Lavender is well. I know that you two got into an argument and she stormed out, but I really hope it works out between you, because you two are perfect together. Ok. I'm beating around the bush. You wanted to know why the hell Blaise Zabini owled you, and I have to explain. It's just embarrassing as hell. By the way, never EVER trust Hagrid and Dumbledore ever! Bastards!

It all started around Christmas. They had the whole bloody castle decked out in mistletoe and wreaths to boot. I was walking along the Slytherin corridor, looking for Mabel Dunne, the silly girl had a copy of Hogwarts, A History for over a month, Harry! She's a sweet girl, really, but there was a waiting list a mile long for that book. Well I ran into Zabini, or Blaise, I suppose.

The conversation went something like this:

"What are you doing here?"

"My dear Granger, I work here."  
"WHAT?"

"Yes, I'm the new Head of House."

"Oh my, I thought Snape was still…"

"No, actually Snape died yesterday. Left his karaoke machine to you, in fact. Said you needed to lighten up."

"Zabini...REALLY."

"Calm down, I am only interning with Pomfrey. For a couple of months."

Now you must understand, I know he's a Slytherin, I know. But he is so handsome! He has that lovely curly black hair and the most girly eyelashes on a boy I've seen. And he has a seeker build, you know, lithe and tall, like you. He has the prettiest eyes, I swear, it should be illegal. But you don't want to know all that.

ANYWAYS, there is no one to talk to. So obviously, we'd chat, sometimes over coffee, sometimes over butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks. He's so clever, and did you know he likes Runes also? OH. Inform Ronald that Blaise, as well, has read Hogwarts, A History as well, so HA! I am not the only one in the whole bloody castle!

We became good friends and he's so sweet. Such a polite man, opens doors for me and he has a mean shy streak as well. But he can be a right bugger at times, can you believe this? I was telling him about the time we shared a hotel bed together and he asked me if I only shared beds with my friends. So I told him "I'll only let YOU into my bed if you pay me." And he pulled his bloody wallet out and asked, "How much?" HOW MUCH? I was so upset, and embarrassed because as you must have guessed, I did fancy him a bit.

Only a bit though, don't get me wrong. I am not like a scarlet woman or whatever Ron calls them. I mean, he's so good looking, which means he has to have a woman already. Or several, the way he acts sometimes.

OH. Harry, dear, you won't believe who I had drinks with this weekend. Draco fucking Malfoy, excuse my language. He actually came up just to see what my intentions towards Blaise were. Can you believe it? He smokes more than a chimney! And he can still be a prat at times, he made fun of my hair and my jumper, but he wasn't a vindictive toad like he used to be.

Anyways, I need to get along with this or Hedwig might refuse to even carry it. She's giving me the evil eye, although that might be because of Hagrid's cakes he sent me. He still feels bad over my leg. I tried to give her one, and I think it's sealed her beak shut. Oh, wait, she squawked at me. Oh yes, I've broken my leg. But that's later in the story.

Well fast forward to Valentines Day. Apparently, according to Minerva at least, and it turns out she is a massive gossip, everyone knew Blaise and I were absolutely perfect for each other, a match made in Merlin's laboratory. Albus (you don't know how odd it is to use their first names!) and Hagrid decided to make some…switches in rooms. I was planning on taking a lovely bath, it gets rather dusty in that library, when I find Blaise in my room.

Obviously, I was curious. So I asked him why the hell he was sitting on my bed. And why there were suddenly two bureaus in my already-cramped room. He handed me a piece of paper and headed towards the bathroom. MY bathroom. Well it turns out, Albus had switched some rooms around and Blaise was my new roommate! He said that we're all adults and he's positive that we can all get along.

Now you don't realize and this is good advice Harry, so listen up – you do not EVER, repeat EVER go into a girl's bathroom when she wants, no, NEEDS a bath. So I changed around the scheme a bit and told him he'd be taking a shower. "But I want a bath," he whined. He can be such a girl sometimes. In fact, I know he sneaks into my make-up drawer when I'm gone.

I began to draw the water and when I got up to grab some towels, I found him standing right behind me. "You're invading my personal space," I told him. "You really don't seem to mind much," he said. "In fact, I think you're rather enjoying it." I decided the best course of action would be to ignore him and began to strip down. He was still watching me, even as I peeled off that jumper Mrs. Weasley sent for my birthday, you know, the one with the books. It was real sweet of her to send it, I must owl her back soon.

Do you think Hedwig would mind an extra trip?

He was so close. It made me nervous and sweaty and very uncomfortable. I wanted him to leave me be, or snog me senseless, I'm not sure. But I'm pretty certain it was the first choice. His eyes are gray, the colour of steel. They're so pretty…OH. So I was nervous and sweaty and it was hot in the room. And steamy, there was a great load of steam.

I grabbed the first thing I could think of, which was my rubber duck. Stan. I don't remember how it got that name, I should ask Ginny. Is she back from Transylvania, by any chance? I'd love to see her. Let me tell you, I thought Blaise was going to die! He turned bright red and started shaking. And then he began to laugh. Oh, it was so embarrassing! Then he took the duck, and squeezed it.

It made this loud, squeaking noise and he started laughing even more! "Do you sound like this in bed as well?" he said, with that stupid Slytherin smirk of his. I swear, Snape teaches all of his students to smirk like that. Draco does it best, but Parkinson is really good at it as well. And so is Blaise. Harry, I don't think you need to know the rest, nor do you want to.

Needless to say, that is the tale of how I ended up with Blaise Zabini. Please, don't send him any curses through the post, he is rather worried you might curse his nose off, and frankly, I'm fond of his nose (and other parts of him too!) I send my love, and send my regards to Lavender! I hope you're doing well! Please, write back ASAP, and feel free to Floo by and visit sometime, Albus and Snape (I can never call him Severus, it's TOO odd!) have the Network set up through out the school!

Sincerely,

Hermione Granger.

P.S. I miss you.

P.S.S. Send my love to Ron also!

P.S.S.S. OH! I forgot about the broken leg part! Well, as you know, or maybe you don't, Blaise is enamored with that bloody duck; says it's due to Stan that we've started dating. Although it's more due to Hagrid and Albus, those two…Hagrid's the one that gave him the idea of roommates. They send their regards as well. They plan on starting up a business too, so I'd refrain from becoming single anytime soon. Their next match is, can you believe this! Snape and Trelawney! I nearly died when I found out, from Minerva of course. Oh! The leg! Anyhow, we were sharing a tub together, we do that sometimes, it's quite relaxing, when the duck flew out of the tub! Blaise dived after it, as did I, and in the fuss, I somehow broke my leg! Don't worry, dear, Pomfrey had it fixed up in no time!

P.S.S.S.S. That potion, Skele-Gro, it's utterly DISGUSTING, I don't know how you handle it so well. Maybe it's a acquired taste.


End file.
